Thursday, January 13, 2011

Moscow Zero? More like, this movie's a zero!


In this fake horror disaster, one of my all-time favorite heroes, Vincent Gallo, recruits a team to help him find his archaeologist friend who went missing while searching for an entrance into the underworld beneath a church in the city of Moscow. The other big star in the movie is Val Kilmer, he plays the man who is sorta the boss of the underground, you have to get his okay to go through the haunted caverns where Gallo's team is headed.

With the plot summary done, let's get to bashing this awful movie. Wow... This was real, real dumb. Let me remind you that the film is called Moscow Zero. That is the ultimate bad movie title.

I don't understand what made Val Kilmer take part in this movie, his role was so small and pointless. His Russian accent was awful too. What really made me feel ashamed though was Vincent Gallo. It's not that he gave an awful performance, it's that the movie was not redeemable in the least. Here's the guy that gave me Buffalo '66. Now, granted, his other movies never do live up to that one, but this one in particular belonged on a 3-movies-in-1 DVD in the $5 bin at Wal-Mart.

It was clearly trying to be artsy at parts. I hated the colors of the movie. Another thing I always pick up when I watch these straight-to-shelves movies is that they always recycle shots. Like, they seriously just reuse some of the same footage and play it over and over again.

I was certainly confused by the ending of this movie. It may have been easy to get, but I just didn't care enough to give that movie any more thought. It doesn't deserve thought, let alone viewing. I have nothing more to say about the movie. Don't see it.

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